Were-Geeks Save Lake Wacka Wacka Read online

  He tried to dig his heels in, but he had paws on a hard floor, and he slid despite all his efforts.

  Then Laddin looked up from his phone. His eyes widened at the sight, and Bruce had a moment of satisfaction. Laddin, at least, would explain. He’d tell this woman Bruce was a paramedic and—

  Laddin opened the front door for the woman, and Bruce was unceremoniously shoved outside. The moment his ruff was released, he turned back. Now he was really pissed and frustrated. He’d be damned if he sat outside like—

  “You want to help?” the woman said. “Talk to your fairy benefactor. Find out where the demon is and then you’ll be of some use. But until then….”

  She didn’t finish that sentence with words. She shut the door in his face. Which sucked.

  He could paw at the door. He could howl and growl and maybe even knock the damn thing down, but what would that accomplish? Nothing. He couldn’t even call Bitterroot like this. He could only snort and plop down on his useless paws as he stared out—

  “Feeling rejected? Oh, poor baby.” Bruce’s head snapped up, and there was the fairy, standing there with his tomato hat on and a smarmy look on his face. Bitterroot tugged on his lettuce lapels as he twirled around. “I’m beginning to like this outfit. I’m so handsome that I make even this look good.”

  Bruce didn’t answer. He didn’t have a human mouth to say anything, though he did wonder if the creature could read his thoughts. Just in case, he thought something really loud.

  You look like I could cut you in half with one bite.

  The fairy stopped admiring himself and arched a brow. “You could try,” he said, challenge in his tone and posture.

  Okay, so the guy could read his thoughts. That was disconcerting.

  “Only the really loud ones. You’re buried in Oh poor me. I’m mute. I’m ugly. Nobody loves me.”

  He hadn’t been thinking any of that. It had been more of a fuck you to everyone and the world. But either way, maybe he could find a way to turn this to his advantage.

  Do you know where the demon is? The one that everyone’s looking for?

  “The one that’s killing the world?”

  Well, it was just Wisconsin at the moment, but yeah, the whole world was going to tumble pretty soon after that.

  Bitterroot offered up that shiny red apple. “Take a bite,” he said. “Maybe you’ll be the hero everyone needs.”

  Bruce turned his paw over and tried really hard to raise his middle finger. Damn it, he couldn’t even give the guy a one-fingered salute. He dropped his head down on his paws and closed his eyes. Problem was, the fairy was still there, clear as day, though his eyes were closed.

  Asshole.

  “You can do it, you know. Be the hero everyone needs. My people have seen that much, but first you have to take the apple.”

  Bruce rolled onto his side, stretching out his legs. Every drug dealer promised the same thing. Take this and you’ll feel better. You’ll be happy and everyone will love you. It was all lies.

  “I don’t lie, remember?”

  Said every liar throughout time.

  “Listen to me, you idiot! We’ve seen it. I’m a fairy prince, and we want Earth to survive just as much as you do. I went to our seers, and they said that if you eat the apple, you can save the world.”

  Bruce cracked an eye. He had to admit the picture Salad Guy painted was appealing. Except for the details. How do I save the world?

  “That’s for you to figure out.”

  In other words, the fairy was lying. What Bruce had to figure out was how to become human again. And useful.

  “Here’s a hint. Eat the apple.”

  Eating the cherry fucked me over. At least before I had a purpose. Now all I can do is sit on the porch and stink like limburger cheese. Why would I go for the apple?

  “Because we’ve—”

  Seen it. So you’ve said. But until you can give me details, I’m not interested. Unless…. He lifted his head and stared straight at the fairy’s bright carrot tufts of hair. Unless you can tell me where the demon is hiding. That was what everybody wanted to know. That was how he’d be the hero.

  Bitterroot shook his head and held up the apple. It still pulsed with that bright red temptation, the shine so bright it was hard to look at it and even harder to look away. But Bruce was a paramedic—he’d seen plenty of burned-out junkies and the disasters they left behind. Bitterroot was the same as every pusher on Earth, hoping to hook Bruce into something he didn’t understand and couldn’t control. So even though Bruce had taken the cherry, he was not going for more. No.

  Then he closed his eyes, and this time, there was no fairy tempting him in the darkness. No fairy, but the apple still hovered there, looking bright and beautiful. Even better, the smell of hot apple cider masked the cheese scent, but only barely. And though he lay on the porch doing nothing, he knew that all he had to do was think the word yes and it would be in his hand, in his mouth, and in his body.

  It was right there. And as long as he stared at it, he couldn’t think of anything else. He couldn’t rest. And he sure as hell couldn’t figure out how to shift back to human.

  Get it out of my sight, you fucking fairy!

  “It’ll disappear the moment you truly want it gone.”

  And that was the worst possible truth. Because really, what did he have to lose? His life was already fucked-up. What would it hurt to try for more?

  No! No! No!

  Except the more he denied it, the larger the apple got in his mind. This entire magical world was fucked-up madness. And all he could do about it was lie on the porch and endure.

  Chapter 11

  MOON MADNESS ISN’T THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES LADDIN CRAZY

  IT WAS dark by the time Laddin made it outside to the porch. Bruce was still there, stinking to high heaven, and though he lay down in a relaxed pose, the wolf was licking his lips while his tail twitched in irritation.

  “Oh shit, you’re probably starving. You should have howled or something.”

  Bruce gave him a dark, angry scowl, which, on a wolf face, was a bit intimidating.

  “You know, pride never fed anyone. You’re hungry, you should have said something.” He opened the door to the house. “I’ll just be a second. Wait here.”

  Laddin grabbed a couple of the new plant-based burgers from the refrigerator. Bruce’s stomach probably wasn’t up to meat yet, so he quickly microwaved them, grabbed some condiments, and slopped them on a plate. His hand hovered over the slices of American cheese before he backed off with a shudder. The memory of being suffocated by cheese wasn’t fading, and he couldn’t bring himself to touch the slices—even if they weren’t pixies… as far as he was aware.

  Then he turned back to the door, only to find Bruce standing half in and half out of the house. Obviously the guy was really hungry, which made Laddin feel all the more guilty. He was Bruce’s trainer. And sure, he’d been busy coordinating casualties and bed space for the Wulf, Inc. crews, but Bruce should have been his first priority, and he’d completely neglected the man’s needs.

  He held up the plate of burgers. “You want ketchup? Mustard?” Nods each time. Then he gestured weakly toward the cheese. He didn’t even have to ask. Bruce was wildly shaking his head. “We’re in agreement there,” Laddin said as he set the plate down.

  Bruce had no problem figuring out how to eat as a wolf. He gobbled down the burgers in the time it took for Laddin to get a bowl of water out. “I know it’s not how you’re used to drinking, but you’re a wolf now too. You need to learn….” His voice trailed away as Bruce lapped up the water without so much as a pause.

  Okay, so Bruce was practical and not into the niceties of food consumption. In that, he did better than Laddin, who’d refused at first to put his face into food instead of eating with a fork and knife. “Captain M wouldn’t let me eat for a week unless I did it as a wolf. But my mama drilled polite table manners into me. She said proper table manners were a sign of civilization,
and if I complained because of this”—he held up his deformed hand—“she ate one-handed, too.”

  Bruce looked at Laddin’s hand and face, then gave the wolf equivalent of a shrug.

  Laddin grinned. It had been a long time since he’d felt like he had a handicap, but it was sure nice to be around someone who didn’t seem to notice it at all.

  He supposed it was only natural for people to see his hand and get awkward. They didn’t know whether to ask about it or ignore it. But Bruce didn’t seem to care one way or another.

  He abruptly wrapped his arm around Bruce’s furry neck and gave him an impulsive hug. Of the many awful things going on right now, Bruce felt like a warm blanket at the end of a hard day. “I know things are fucked-up for you right now,” he said against Bruce’s neck, “but I’m grateful to have someone to talk to.”

  Bruce nuzzled back, which was pure delight. Laddin doubted the guy would have done so as a human—he wasn’t the touchy-feely type—but right now, Laddin needed a warm body to hug.

  They stayed that way for a moment, but eventually Bruce got restless. Laddin released him with a happy sigh, then looked out the open front door. “You probably need to go out. It was a while before I figured out exactly how to use the outdoor facilities, so to speak….” His voice trailed away.

  Only Bruce wasn’t headed back out the door. Instead, his nose was twitching as he walked down the hallway.

  “We’re sleeping in the barn, remember? Every room here is full with wounded wolves.” He stood up and joined Bruce. “So here’s the situation. There’s a big lake about fifty miles from here. We call it Lake Wacka Wacka. Anyway, it’s full of poison that is seeping into the land and expanding across Wisconsin. Nobody outside of Wulf, Inc. knows why. We do, because Nero saw it happen. A demon dropped into the lake and suddenly, bang, everything started dying.”

  He took a breath and tried to keep his voice calm, but he’d been talking to people all day, hearing the stories of what was going on, and it had shaken him. He needed to share, and right now Bruce was the best person to talk to.

  “The demon is somewhere around there, poisoning the lake and the land. We know it’s getting stronger because the dead zone is growing. But we can’t find the damn thing. And the scientists, the military, and the reporters aren’t finding it either. Having all those humans around is bad enough, but suddenly mystical baddies are showing up too. They’re probably drawn to the possibility of the world ending.”

  He dug his fingers into Bruce’s fur, feeling grounded with every shift of muscle and fur. Even the way Bruce breathed eased his own breath.

  “You saw what happened to Bing’s face, right? That was from a lich—a big undead magical guy. I also heard there was a mated pair of chupacabra. Think Bigfoot without hair and with evil teeth. They’re not supposed to mate, but everything’s gone wonky around the lake. That’s what demon energy does. It screws up the natural order. And if you think responding to a human domestic violence call is dangerous, try to get in between a pair of emotional chupacabras.” A shudder ran through him, but he took a deep breath and regained control. “So we’re in a bit of a bind. No one can find the demon because we’re all busy keeping the paranormal weirdoes away from the vanilla scientists. And the journalists are everywhere. Be careful where you shift, because somebody’s going to snap a picture if they can.”

  If Bruce was listening, he gave no sign of it. Instead, he pressed his nose to the first bedroom door, then looked expectantly back at Laddin.

  “You want to check on the patients, don’t you? Even though you’re in your wolf form and can’t do anything if there’s a problem.”

  Bruce nodded, then cocked his head at Laddin until he eventually gave in.

  “Okay, okay. You can tell me if there’s a problem. But be quiet, and don’t take long, because you still stink.”

  Laddin opened the door as quietly as possible, and Bruce padded inside. Laddin watched as the wolf inspected the patient, sniffed the wounds—though how he could smell anything over the bad cheese odor was beyond Laddin—and then cocked his head and pressed his ear to the man’s chest. The patient was so exhausted that he didn’t so much as twitch. That might have worried Laddin, but Bruce turned back to the door and nodded with a slight dip of his chin.

  “All good?”

  Another nod.

  “Then I guess we’re on to the next one.” And so they went, from one room to the next.

  Several of the patients woke up holding their noses as they complained about the smell. Laddin made them wait as Bruce performed his tasks. Tasks that—incidentally—no one asked him to do but Laddin respected nonetheless. Wulf, Inc. was hard up for medical personnel, so no one bitched too much about having a smelly wolf come sniff their aches and pains.

  Eventually the task was done, and they went together out to the barn. Laddin pulled out a couple of bedrolls even though he knew Bruce would likely stay a wolf for the night. It was way more comfortable in a cold barn. He’d do it himself, but he knew that it was better to reserve his shifting strength for when he really needed it.

  Bruce busied himself sniffing around the barn. Laddin remembered finding every little smell fascinating. Disgusting or sweet, it made no difference. He actually longed to do it with Bruce now. There was nothing like moving around in a pack, asking in lupine ways, Did you smell that? Cool, huh? What about this? What do you think this is? They never used human words, but everyone knew what the other was saying. Wolves were simple that way.

  He stretched out on his bedroll and looked out the window at the three-quarter moon. “Do you see that, Bruce?” he asked as he pointed at the night sky. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she? Cold, remote, and she still plays havoc with my life. And yet, I look at her and I’m in love.”

  Bruce padded over, his gaze on the dark sky before returning to Laddin.

  “I’m one of those weres who is affected by the moon. I don’t go rampaging about like a movie werewolf, but yeah, I feel the power in her. It’s like an electric wire in my bloodstream. The stronger her light, the hotter the buzz. And during a full moon, I get hit with Moon Madness. It makes me want to kill everything in sight.” He dropped his head back and stared up at the dark ceiling. “Sometimes I feel like I’m up there, lost in all that endless black. Even before this werewolf thing, I felt different. And it wasn’t just my hand.” He held it up so that it was a dark silhouette over the bright moon. With the three-quarter shape, his hand didn’t seem so weird. “I can’t really connect with people the way I want. I see them. I see what they want and who they are, but they never seem to look at me.”

  He rubbed a hand over his face.

  “God, I’m tired. I only get poetic when I’m wiped out. But I don’t want to go to sleep, ya know? I’m afraid I’ll be suffocated by cheese the moment I close my eyes.”

  He snorted at the image. It was funny, but only because he didn’t want to feel the horror of it again—of that white stuff binding his arms and legs, of the dark cheddar bits pelting his body or the feel of an American slice covering his nose and mouth. Twice a slice had flattened over his mouth, and twice he’d been able to bite through it while magic tingled on his lips and tongue. He hadn’t had the explosive farts Bruce had let loose, but he’d felt the pixie magic in him all day, and it hadn’t been pleasant—kind of like sparks of energy bursting through his belly. It had taken hours before the magic had come out the other end, and the memory still made him queasy. He had no idea if that was normal, and with everyone fighting monsters near the lake, it seemed too trivial to mention.

  A cold wet nose pressed against his cheek, and Laddin smiled. He burrowed his good hand into Bruce’s ruff and scratched through the thick pelt. It was comfort, pure and simple, and he relished every second of it.

  “Do you know what the best part about being a werewolf is?” he asked. “It’s this right here. You’ll see. The pack will do things together as wolves. We all have to practice hunting so we know what it’s like and can contr
ol the urge when it’s inappropriate. And wolves hunt in packs. We’ll do this whole chase thing. I don’t take down any deer. And I won’t eat the meat either.” He shifted to allow Bruce room to stretch out beside him. “I’m not vegetarian or anything. I just can’t get past eating Bambi.” He gave another shudder. “Then afterwards, we all tumble together and sleep. A big ol’ puppy pile, everyone touching, everyone happy. We’ve usually had a hard run and everyone’s got full bellies. A lot of us do a romp through the stream to get clean, and then we shake the water off on each other before snoozing in the sun.” If he closed his eyes and didn’t inhale too deep, he could pretend he was back in Michigan by the streambed with everyone else. “It’s like having family that doesn’t drive you crazy,” he murmured. “And if they do, it’s okay to bite.”

  The wet nose lifted from his neck to his cheek. And then he felt a lick against his five-o’clock shadow, a soft tongue against the roughness of his skin. Sweet. Gentle. He smiled as he turned into the kiss.

  And then, quite suddenly, it was a kiss. A man’s mouth touching his. Exploratory lips. Hardness of teeth. And deepening to more as he opened up to the thrust and parry of their tongues.

  It was so natural, he didn’t question it. His hand was no longer burrowing into fur but kneading the back of a man’s neck. And the weight against his side was now man-shaped—no longer soft with fur, but hard with bone, muscle, and a thick erection that was impossible to miss. And extra special, no more rancid cheese smell. Just hot, sexy man.

  Until that man stiffened in shock and pulled back.

  Bruce was naked and looked so appalled that Laddin felt a wash of shame. But then he bristled internally. He hadn’t asked for the kiss. He’d just gone with it when it came. Whatever was going on in Bruce’s horrified mind, it wasn’t Laddin’s fault. And after everything that had happened today, Laddin didn’t have the mental bandwidth to deal with any more drama. Besides, this particular problem was 100 percent Bruce’s issue. Let the big firefighter figure it out.